Topi and his spouse are foster parents. It has brought more excitement, meaning and new perspectives to the life of their large family.
Six children, two adults, two cats and a dog – there is never a dull moment in the home of 36-year-old Topi Vallarén. His family is not exactly traditional either: alongside their three biological children, they also have foster children of different ages placed in substitute care.
“My spouse had long wanted to establish a family home. We both wanted to help and make a difference in children’s lives. Together we explored different options and first became a support family for a few years. Gradually, the idea of becoming a foster family started to grow on me too. There were already children in our family, and we wanted to move forward slowly and thoughtfully,” Topi says about their decision.
Although the addition of new family members has made everyday life busier, the basics remain the same.
“Our daily life is pretty normal. Sure, there’s a lot of hustle and bustle, laundry, cooking and things to do, but at the end of the day, a foster family is just like any other family,” Topi says.
Children and young people placed in substitute care can come from very different backgrounds and bring a wide range of experiences with them. For Topi, the most rewarding part of foster parenting has been seeing trust slowly build with new family members.
“It can take time for a child to learn to trust us. The most rewarding moments are the small ones – when you notice that the child wants to make contact and share their interests.”
The family includes foster children of various ages, and having so many siblings has its advantages.
“The children learn a lot from one another – and in my eyes, good things. Children who are shyer and more timid gain confidence, while those who are more reckless learn to calm down. One of our family’s strengths is openness: we’re able and willing to talk about everything,” Topi says.
What matters most to me is that the children feel safe around me.”
Topi’s role in the family involves playing, roughhousing and making sure everyone has fun. But above all, it’s about being a safe presence.
“My hope is that the children see me as a safe father figure who’s easy to talk to. The role of a foster parent always depends entirely on the child. It’s fine by me if a child wants to call me by my first name. What matters most to me is that the children feel safe around me.”
For Father’s Day, Topi isn’t expecting anything special – just the family’s familiar tradition warms his heart.
“Whatever the celebration, we all go together to wake up the person being celebrated, sing songs and enjoy treats. Our principle is that there’s always a reason to celebrate. It’s really important for us as a family to show affection for one another in many different ways.”